Space Travel Premise

These objects are important for science … they’re potential resources for raw materials in space that we may wish to take advantage of some day,” The New York Times reported last month on proposed fuel stations in space “that one study says could put astronauts on an asteroid by 2024“.


Space exploration is a holy grail and technological byproducts of the crusade lead us into directions that aren’t rocket science. Another byproduct is that an adult generation is aware this planet has been subject to periodic annihilations due to collisions with large objects. A troublesome enough thing to worry about. However,

The space program product is artificial life support outside the global ecosystem (mobile so far–like space caravans). A commercial byproduct is technology, re-education, engineered food stuff and stuff that makes communities in extreme climatic conditions appear habitable, which motivates investment capital to accommodate growing populations in marginal and vulnerable areas.

If human civilization hasn’t become extinct within 2000 years, either people on this  planet will be looking at shiny remnants orbiting the earth and sun and wonder how life on the planet survived human organization possessed by such an obsession or people elsewhere in the universe will navigate around such things on pilgrimages here.

Yes, I would volunteer with the right woman, to take a fifty year trip alone with her to Mars, which is off this planet, or Venus.

Sam, Joe and Evelyn's Mother, Dora Meyerowitz
Sam, Joe and Evelyn’s Mother, Dora Meyerowitz
(my paternal grandmother)

Enter Here, If You Please (Namaste)

Welcome. If you have met or heard of Michael Winn or of Michael Myrow or their progeny, Winn Myrow, and have professional interest, be advised that you may find this website disturbingly disordered, similar in this way to an ordinary human’s mind, and you have only to look at your own mind to see the truth of this.

For the vast majority of us humans, the only mind we know directly is our own. (Exceptions to this, please, get in touch with me.)

Euripides, Homer, Cervantes, Sterne, Stendahl, Dostoevsky, McCullers, West, Faulkner, Flaubert, Marquez, Mann (dropping names like a trail of diamonds to illustrate a point), danced with the notion of  seeing and feeling through the imagined minds of others. In doing this, they drew a distinction called, human life. If we human beings are conscious of ourselves we would each be but a closed loop. Literature is where we have archived these other views.

This website is a personal workshop, like a sculpture studio where words are the only tools and imagination the only material. A story is analogous to a sculpture. The novelist carves his sculpture from the entropy of imagination. Reading The Gambler, for instance, Dostoevsky evokes experience of protagonists in their world.

As you read some of the stories on this website, especially those in daily evolution, you may see what compels anyone to write. Why they prefer to not sit quietly and serenely smile at things, drink green tea and recycle. (The truth is I’ve tried that. A sexy woman can talk me into doing practically anything. It’s miraculous I’m here to tell about it.) It is because I’m grateful to God for women and survival, that not only do I feel compelled to write, but also, I am sworn to tell the truth, regardless of how it may make me look.

As succinctly described by C.S. Lewis in Screwtape Letters, my principle as a writer, in other words, why I write is to act in the present consistent with principles that Christians attribute to the words of Christ. (If you are not a Christian, you will find similar principles in Judaism, Islam, Shamanism, Buddhism and so on.) I write to experience our connection. Yours and mine. You may be a captain of the police department, the madame of a brothel, a parish priest, undertaker, gangster, precocious teenager, whatever, but in that we are in each other’s worlds, I include you. Namaste.




Exercise – Some Poems


I played chicken with a Coast Guard Cutter and then raced a 36-foot racing sloop close to the wind on a starboard tack, flying an ample genoa on its head, we raced a half mile in a stiff breeze against the ebb to a photo finish at the police dock after which, the channel turns north allowing the sailboat a broad reach. But I caught her, full sail, close to the wind, fair and square.

While racing this sailboat, a profile of my life (so far) occurred to me, unexpurgated: that emotionally, I’m an abandonment/alienation mechanism and sometimes bitter about it. I would not have survived without that characteristic but in that paradigm, in the area of love, family and friendship, I am anxiously as loyal as a puppy and connection projects loss, sensitizing issues of trust, sabotaging relationship. Having surprised the helmsman at the police dock, it appears I have won, no longer am I opposed to surrender.


Subset Journal A – The Blues

I had a thought that I should ask you

If you agreed that Facebook is a cyber life,

Unreality realified.

Let’s say I wanted some unknown

no doubt, unknowable

other being out there to get me and my world,

I’d not be running a serial motion picture on Facebook.

But if l did, it must include Bob, Dale,

Large objects

and my idiot son-in-law as well as the

Transgender woman/man I made out with

At Ichiban in PB last month.

She is a bitch.


But it feels like giving my time, self, soul, heart

for the apathetic use or absorption

by cyber friends, who though lovely,

are no substitute for a good blow job

I might not feel as acknowledged

Blow jobs are affordable

There’s always Nicaragua.

Would I do it though?

Have I considered everything? No.


When I connect, will they be human beings?

In the meantime, I often feel as I do feel now,

like an orphan child of a planet

in a different universe,

left here by mistake.


The aforementioned son, in-law?

What happened to due process?

Asked me recently, Are you suffering?

In that moment, I was a little buzzed

And it threw me that he should ask.

Out of the blue like that


I have suffered, that much I know

I’ve been here for a long long time

So much of my life happened here

Whoever left me is never coming back

I’m not content with that.

I’m on my own but I abandon no one.

That isn’t suffering.

Suffering is being present to what is past

What is lost, grieving, giving your soul to God.

Have a heart.

Jeopardy Answer: What is a happy ending?

Dear Madame (OkCupid.Com)


From:         M, a man who lives nearby and is interested

In regard to:  “You should message me if you are looking for deep and meaningful connections with like-minded, conscious people…”

“PLEASE only message me if you are NOT the kind of person to chat online, on the phone or even meet up only to disappear without a trace suddenly or flip and have a total personality shift. Be real and be respectful. Stingy spirited, closed-minded and game playing people are so sad to me and life is really better when being generous and kind, don’t you agree?”


Dear Madame Jolie,

Forgive me for being indirect. I can get how tired you are of people not coming through, I feel as equally battered by internet scammers. I thought it would help to know why people are hiding when they misrepresent their interests or what they are up to. Like you, my time is important to me. I’m a dramatic writer professionally. I do want to make sure about your agenda because like you, I’ve run into people online, like some that are attracting clients for relationship seminars and tantric consultations and dungeons.

We both need reality established, assuming we are both really who we say we are and here to find an intimate companion(s?). However, I face a risk you probably needn’t consider because my writing is my livelihood and everything I write, even when asking for a date, contains things I may put in other places. My life is my art. Which is why I request that you ask me before using anything I write to you. We must be fair to those with and for whom we collaborate and my writing is a key product. Anyway, our lives are our private matters and we hold our communication in trust. Hoover is gone and I feel we can trust the NSA not to trouble themselves with us.

Assuming you are real (I hope so), I’m interested and I’d rather invest a little time in this way so we may direct our energies elsewhere if based on this, we’re not a fit:

I’m attracted by the practical solution to infidelity offered by polyamorous intimate relationship because this has conflicted me and while I’ve wanted complete happiness for my partners and myself, I’ve seen so much pain and drama around both cheating as well as open relationships, where the partners acknowledge things.

Aside from this, we will not know until we meet if we are interested and compatible, which may be the real issue in the problem you describe about people who disappear without a trace. There’s a universe of reasons why I’m not your cup of tea but you seem to be a person who can examine complexities and I feel safer talking to you about eccentric lifestyle issues because you’ve chosen alternative sexual culture. And this is important because I’m asking you to consider something that you might not anticipate–something I have to disclose about which I feel vulnerable because I’m new to it.

Our age difference means that unconscious bias could affect our perceptions of each other and it works both ways. We see differences between a young and an older face and features and posture and manner of speech, all of which may trigger or suppress sexual response and wrong assumptions.  Ironically, for the same physiological and psychological reason that I’m turned on by neotonous female forms, some of those who possess such forms are just as likely to look away. (I forgave the smart-assed woman that asked me to tea… though I haven’t yet told her.)

I’m trained by my own conditioning to a view of myself as older that subverts my desire. Meanwhile, because for centuries, men of wealth and power are getting laid in the face of such differences, the approach of feminists, even if well-intended, has been to discourage those of us who are not power mad or acquisitive from engaging with our models and muses, while it’s politically correct to disparage men and women involved in this kind of trade with off-hand ridicule and sarcasm, never understanding that this creates problems more significant than the ethical issue of  gender inequality, for it denies intimacy to productive, knowledgeable, experienced people whose thoughts and ideas we need if the planetary ecosystem is to survive.

(Possibly attribute photo to Rachel McAdams?)
Matthew Pearl []
The Future of the World Is At Stake Here

Madame, we can’t unwittingly cut short the possibility of intimacy during the most important period of our lives without consequence.  We can enjoy and need to enjoy sexual satisfaction if we wish, to be fit, productive and good lovers until we drop dead from the pleasure of orgasm rather than the pain of disappointment.  (As unlikely as it is and upsetting for our partners, there are many who may prefer it.)

And to think that we do this to ourselves, when we’re younger, and uninformed, as if it didn’t matter and we don’t know what it means to our future. It will be a better world if we make decisions when we’re young about how we’d like to experience life as we get older because what we do when we’re younger will either make that possible or destroy the possibility. With so many crucial things to manage today in order to restore and conserve the ecosystem and global culture, we can’t afford to let those with knowledge and experience play the resignation card as we have done before in the pretense that we won’t be capable of valuable creative input after 60, a time when the opposite of this is true. And this is real.

This conversation as well as meeting in this cyber place is new for me and possibly a unique conversation in this city if not the world. It’s prompted by my concerns after I signed up with yesterday. It wasn’t my intention to pretend I’m something I’m not but for the same reason moderately over-weight women don’t show their figures in profile photos and some people laugh at dwarfs and find men with humps on their backs are or are not sexy, I was afraid to declare my real age in a community of company seekers most of whom say they are looking for men, aged 18 to 45, and where women of 50 and 60 are less inclined to seek a male older than they are unless he’s wealthy. They are looking for male sugar babies.

Yet, aside from practical costs to society of agism, the effect of it is far worse on the older individual who is and looks fit than racism or bias about fatness is on targets because expressions of agism are sanctioned and jokes that mock the vulnerability of older people are a staple of popular entertainment media from Euripides to Breaking Bad. But the most significant change to modern culture of this century is that people in their 70s can be as capable, active and productive as were people in their 50s in the early part of the last century.

Can you imagine if suggested all people with a body fat ratio of or greater must have their own dating website and only date each other? But it’s actually worse because it’s tacit.

Pain of being ignored, neglected, invisible and expectations of this deter me just as it must deter many overweight women. But, while most of them can do something about their appearance if they care to, we can’t change the year we are born in retrospect except by lying about it and what good would that do if it is our intention to  meet. And the greatest irony is that since we all get older if we don’t die, by ignoring it when we are young, we insure our own defeat..

Here I’m, saying, in real time and in earnest that you might help us to break the pattern by looking past a number and your gender politics simply at the man and instead of asking him to be something other than himself, and suggesting that you to try something different.

At a poly event I went to in October, where I was trying to learn about myself and first ran headlong into this issue, I met a (thankfully) skinny, ex-army pilot’s aging body in a hot tub. He isn’t what I would say is “in good shape for his age”and he told me he gets a lot of attention because he’s such a great submissive. I watched. He said it worked for him to get his ass paddled bright red if that’s what they want. But it isn’t fair. And why him? So you can appreciate my difficulty in posting my age and my desire to get it out in the open.

At first, I imagined I could reveal the truth about my age on in stages. So I posted a photo showing my grey hair that I feel shows how I experience myself now and others actually see me when I’m having a great time, which is how I anticipate a happy relationship will be for me. I look like that photo when I’m feeling happy and acknowledged even without dying my hair and cosmetic surgery. Meanwhile, feeling acknowledged when I’m not isn’t authentic, nor is acting acknowledged. How do you change a bad custom, like agism? As Ghandi suggested, by being the change, personally. Two women I’ve loved (at different times) told me they were intimate with men in their eighties when we were dating. They each said I should accept their outside relationships because these men were intellectually important people. One had a nobel prize and the other a famous psychologist. You’d recognize their names. I just couldn’t get why they’d want to be with men that old! That’s bias. An interesting fact here is that this bias also made it unthreatening. I was never worried that they would leave me for them but I was too dumb and naive then, to accept an invitation to travel with them.

Community is not the structure or organization. Community is how you and I deal with this. Just as you have experienced people with unknown agendi, so have I. If we met in a darkened room and learned to know each other, we’d find out something about the age of our bodies, informed by touch, sound, taste, smell but absent stigma, our attention would be on how we are touched and perceived as well. I’m fit now and becoming more so actually, by intention and even though I’m probably not going to be around in 25 years and statistically I’ve got no time left. Will I spend those years celibate or masturbating? Until I’m attractive to someone I’m attracted to, my opportunities are limited to sex-workers and that looks better in places like Nicaragua where my money goes further.

Looking at this as a communal issue, since our attitudes around sex and relationship with regard to youth and aging are inter-related, tweaking our attitudes toward inter-generational sex may have a greater impact than we at first imagine. Most of us resign from life long before you’d ever imagine it reasonable to throw in the towel. Why? First, we’re told to expect this constantly in our homes, in the media, in schools and the way communities are designed and by institutions like AARP, Cornell and Stein and by retirement and tax policies and social security and medical insurance; then there are genetic proclivities that put mortality squarely in your face since our bodies that weren’t evolved to last more than 35 to 50 years. In addition, your children will start speaking to you respectfully and before you know it, you’re buying into it and shutting down your possibilities, no matter how you feel about it now. I’m a vanguard,  about 20 years ahead of my time.

Over the years, Madame, you will find as all others have, that your spiritual heart is no older, nor your soul, nor your desires, just because you’re 20, 30 or 40 or 50 years older than now. The preference for young bodies is consistent with choosing progenitors for nurturing a child. I trust the determination of women to get what they want but the community and the ecosystem that is affected by our community requires input now from those who can remember, who have experienced life. This is a greater concern for us now than procreation, which is, a well understood activity. Moreover, today we need to value the unique quality of every experienced life because we are not all equally endowed in important ways. Only one Mozart. Only one McCullers. Only one King. Only one me and you.

Besides the rote disgrace in simply letting people get fat and die slowly of boredom; to forego the possibility of sexual satisfaction, because intimacy influences the processes of creative people, we disempower them at their peak. We need that  inspiration because it affects self esteem, makes us adventure and explore and orients us toward physical love and values that we all enjoy. One reason why media is mostly banal and targeted for juveniles is the that the market of older people is not being served by older people. In our era, which is your future, intimacy must be about loving partnership in a community not procreation. Even though my sperm may no longer be used to produce a child, we together are an amazing set of sensual possibilities and our behavior will influence children about what it means to be human. Their view of aging will be shaped by it.

Aside from superstition, fears about independence resulting from conditioning that supports warehousing parents in “senior communities”, “assisted living” centers and euthanasia, I find the “short fuse” is the core issue as I get older, not physical decrepitude. I took care of myself the majority of my life; I survived catastrophes and I inherited optimistic DNA. I find I can continue to meet needs of others, learn new tricks faster than ever and generally I’m better  at nearly everything I do and my priorities have shifted in good ways, toward more important concerns in life. This change in outlook has had a greater effect than my accumulated knowledge and experience because the experience and knowledge is of myself in relationship with others. And this is the life that I’m occupying because I’ve actually survived my past and applying my talent.

For instance, I see a broad array of circumstances from a variety of viewpoints in  both the cyber and real worlds we inhabit such as this one. Maybe, I’m not as comfortable as you in technology that you grew up with. But I, with others, invented the world we live in and built it along with a lot of stuff that is so natural to you, you have no idea that it is there. And I see how it turned out relative to intention.

So here we are, in a figurative sense. I am consciously asking, in view of the little we now know about each other now, do you think we can meet about a possible common goal, were we to begin tomorrow or whenever? I’m busy much of the time; reading, writing and in February, composing, as well. I have a script to finish this month and a play production to organize this Spring. What do we need to know about each other and how shall we find out in order to proceed. I am willing, able and adventurous, so there’s possibility.

My commitments are greater than you expected here and this introduction is like a pop fly to left field but writing it forced me to look closely at sexuality and agism about how to be about the responses of people regarding my age and what to do about it.

I hope it also answers your question.