Small children excepted, we are always afraid of the idiot, the person who blows our cover, revealing the hypocrisy or our own narcissism or the slights of hand in our enterprises. Ironically, the best or worst idiots are narcissists. Like Dostoyevsky. Call me an idiot.
Men in monogamous relationships should know it’s their right to have whatever extra-marital intercourse they run into and they’re at fault if they regularly fail to do so. There are no excuses. Everyone is personally responsible for their sexuality. There, I said it. Heresy.
If you set aside the issue of integrity, not even the most jealously self-righteous of unfaithful wives can complain about her husband’s peripatetic sexuality, since the image of a husband who is desirable to other women reflects well on a woman. The same thing is said about men whose wives sleep around. The cuckold is lucky. Meanwhile, the appearance of sexual incapacity, even though a husband honors his vows, if he fails to take advantage of an opportunity for consensual, safe sex, reflects poorly on the spouse, slut or saint.
This is the reality of sex in relationships after shedding all the rhetoric. Don’t worry if you aren’t or haven’t been tempted. This information is only useful when you are or after you have been. The only problem with it is psychological and then only from cognitive dissonance and you can easily resolve it by changing your agreements with your spouse or drinking when she decides to disclose her own perambulations and voilá, open communications.
Giving rise to polyamory. If you’ve got nothing more pressing to occupy your time. Poly agreements are not necessarily the same as matrimonial commitments. They can be. It’s relevant since children are nurtured by bonded relationships and benefit when those relationships are with their real parents. Foster and adoption is still all good. It’s just different for the children. How this plays out depends on the commitment of the foster or adoptive parent but there is an important aspect to the genetic ties.
I haven’t heard anything cogent about this in the rhetoric of the poly community. I’ve seen more shifting of partners than I anticipated, possibly a consequence of favoring emotional detachment, and talk is always about juicer content. Promoting polyamory legitimatizes common practice but it also promotes all sex-related enterprise.
Everyone needs to make a living. But belief in monogamy is a lot like Santa Claus. Kids are paid with gifts to accept a patently absurd idea. It costs husbands who cheat, if they aren’t careful, it costs half of everything they own and more. But unlike with Santa Claus, there are many who don’t and can’t conceive of being unfaithful. On principle. And they’re so sexually frustrated that they’ve made porno a multi billion dollar industry. And it’s sad that it’s about their sexuality and not a rolly polly man in a red suit stuck in the chimney. Oh well, it’s not our problem.
More sex positive talk can’t be harmful but I don’t know what to do about Islam or Bandon, Oregon. There’s a conflict.