I played chicken with a Coast Guard Cutter and then raced a 36-foot racing sloop close to the wind on a starboard tack, flying an ample genoa on its head, we raced a half mile in a stiff breeze against the ebb to a photo finish at the police dock after which, the channel turns north allowing the sailboat a broad reach. But I caught her, full sail, close to the wind, fair and square.
While racing this sailboat, a profile of my life (so far) occurred to me, unexpurgated: that emotionally, I’m an abandonment/alienation mechanism and sometimes bitter about it. I would not have survived without that characteristic but in that paradigm, in the area of love, family and friendship, I am anxiously as loyal as a puppy and connection projects loss, sensitizing issues of trust, sabotaging relationship. Having surprised the helmsman at the police dock, it appears I have won, no longer am I opposed to surrender.